


Four Octaves Higher

by orphan_account, WickerPrince



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: 10/10 would sin again, 11/10 wouls cracck again, Brendon is a little shit, Crack Fic, High af, Juice - Freeform, Other, Toddlers, and legit causing ryan a heart attack, but not really, craaaacky, just Brendon being...well...Brendon, spooky patrick stump, what the fuck is life anymore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-09-16 15:49:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9278639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/WickerPrince/pseuds/WickerPrince
Summary: WE WERE READING MY IMMORTAL HELP SAVE US FROM THIS HELLalso, in this scenario, Ryan never left the band because Beebo deserves to be happy





	1. Chapter 1

They had gotten a call from a very distraught Ryan Ross, who had said he couldn’t find Brendon. Now, Gerard didn’t see a problem with that. He never did like to deal with Brendon’s bullshit for longer than an hour at most. But still, Patrick had forced him to go. 

 

The two men stood on Brendon’s porch, Gerard reaching out to ring the doorbell. The ringing - to the tune of I Write Sins no less - rang throughout the house. A panicking (no pun intended) Ryan shouted at the door, tripping over one of Brendon’s many, many, framed photos of himself which he was sure hadn’t been there when he last checked. 

 

“Just come in! Please!” Patrick looked at Gerard wearily, pushing open the front door. 

 

The house was a complete mess and, as they walked into the lounge area, they noticed Ryan standing in the middle of a pile of dirty clothes. 

 

“I don’t know how he’s doing it.” Ryan gasps, out of breath from chasing the wild Urie. “He’s like a fucking ninja. An annoying, naked ninja.” 

 

“Naked?” Gerard questioned. 

 

“Very, very naked.” Ryan said in an exasperated tone. 

 

As if on cue, Brendon came barreling down the stairs in all his God given glory, tackling Patrick to the floor. “Patrick!” 

 

Patrick screams, scrambling away from Brendon. “Gerard, get him away!” he screams again. 

 

Brendon turns to Gerard, his eyes lighting up. “Gerd!” he yelps, leaping for Gerard. Ryan moves forward, catching Brendon around his middle as Gerard backs away, his hands raised. 

 

“Brendon, go put your clothes on!” Ryan demands. 

 

“No! I’ve never felt so free!” Brendon exclaims, escaping from Ryan’s hold and scampering upstairs. 

 

Ryan sighs tiredly, heading up the stairs after him. “Just...go to the kitchen.” he groaned.

 

Gerd and Stumpy looked at eachother tiredly, the sounds of “god fucking dammit, Brendon!” and smashing glass making a nice background. The crash in the pool a second later was certainly interesting.

 

“Should we…?” Patrick asked.

 

“I think we should.” Gerard nodded, making his way out to the pool. His face goes beet red as soon as he sees what caused the splash, a nearly three foot long,  _ pink _ , dildo floating around.

 

Gerard backed away slowly, pushing Patrick back into the house.

 

“What is it?” Patrick asked, stepping over a pile of framed photos of none other than Brendon himself. What a narcissist.

 

“Giant… floating… dildo.” Gerard whispered, horrified shock making it’s way into his voice.

 

“A  _ what?”  _ Stuppette stood on his toes to look over Gerdlee’s shoulder.

 

Gerard shook his head, pushing Patrick into the kitchen. “Make your toast.” 

 

“Toast… right.” Patrick nodded. “Toast.” PattersMcPatsteine started ruffling through Brendon’s cupboards, trying to find brot.

 

/////

 

A half and hour and seven plates of toast later, Ryan came stumbling downstairs, dragging a now thong clad Brendon, who was also sporting a… tail? 

 

“I’m a party pony!” Brendong shrieked, and Ryan sighed.

 

“Sure, Nob.” 

 

Patrick, just putting his eighth and ninth slices of toast in the toaster, looked up. “What the fuck?” he asked. 

 

Gerard shook his head in disbelief, hoping that tail wasn’t what he thought it was.

 

“Brednon? Are you wearing a-”

 

“Yes. I’m a paaarty pony!” Brendon threw his hands up, giggling. 

 

“I’m gonna - Brendon!” Ryan shouted as Brendon, once again, began running around the house. “Get back here!” he yelled, running after Brendon. 

 

Patrick chuckled. “Come with me if you want to live.” he said to Gerard, waving him down the hall. 

 

“Brendon, get your ass back here!” Ryan yelled, ignoring the screams from Gerard floating through the door. No doubt Patrick was chasing him with that dildo Brendon had thrown out the window. 

 

“Never!” Breadnon shouted, opening the fridge to pull out a juice bottle. He then proceeded to climb up onto the counter, sitting right beside the toaster. 

 

Ryan skidded into the kitchen, bracing himself on the wall. “Brendon, put that down.” he panted out. 

 

“No. You’re no fun, Ry-Ry.” Brendon pouted, opening the bottle. He held it over the toaster. 

 

“Brendon, that is Patrick’s toast. If you pour that out you’ll have to answer to him.” Ryan warned. 

 

Brendon tilted the bottle slowly, a determined look in his eyes. Ryan raised a brow as he watched the other man slowly pour the contents of the bottle onto the toaster. 

 

“Brendon Boi Urie!” three voices rang out throughout the house. Ryan turned to see Gerard mostly naked, standing at the entrance of the kitchen with a large pink dildo - at actually looked like more of a pool toy - poking over the edge of his shoulder and Patrick standing with the dildo  _ strapped to his chest. _

 

“That’s it, Urie!” Patrick shouted, racing forward. He ripped the pink object from his chest and tackled Brendon to the floor, only to begin mercilessly smacking him with it. “That was my toast, you bastard!” 

 

Brendon screamed, covering his face while the others just watched, Gerard smirking and Ryan debating whether to film or pull Patrick off. He decided on the former. 

 

/////

 

“I can’t believe you put that on Youtube.” Brendon mumbled, hugging his pink pool toy (as it had turned out) close to his chest. 

 

“You deserved it.” Ryan shrugged, grinning at Brendon. “Now go to bed, you manchild.” 

  
Brendon rolled his eyes, but he was grinning. Ryan continued to watch the video, the likes and comments rolling in like cars on the freeway.  


	2. Chapter 2

Ryan covered his ears as he walked into the band room, looking around to see most everyone doing the same. “What the bloody hell is going on here!” he yelled over the high pitched noise. 

 

“It’s Brendon. He’s doing it again!” Patriciaa yelled back, nodding towards Brendon who was standing in the middle of the room, shrieking bloody murder. 

 

“Brendon fucking Urie, stop that right now!” Ryan blubbered angrily. 

 

Brendon immediately ceased, looking at Ryan. “Ryan the lion!” he exclaim ed. 

 

“Brendon, why are you doing that?” the slightly shorter male asked. 

 

“Because I’m bored.” Brendon shrugged, resuming his shrieking. He started at his lowest octave, gradually raising the pitch as he proceeded. 

 

“Brendon, stop that!” Ryan and Gerard yelled at him. 

 

Brendon looked them dead in the eye and, as he continued to shriek, said, “fuck yooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuu!” in the most melodic way he could.

  
Ryan groaned, sitting down. It was going to be another long day. 


	3. The Invisibility Coke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WE WERE READING MY IMMORTAL HELP SAVE US FROM THIS HELL
> 
> also, in this scenario, Ryan never left the band because Beebo deserves to be happy

If anyone else had been around, Brendon probably wouldn't have done it. Sadly, this was not the case, as everyone but Brendon was out either sight seeing or getting lunch for the rest. 

 

After Spencer's 'incident', drugs were officially banned from the tour bus. As were lighters and anything easily flammable - aside from Brendon's hair products, which he begged Dallon not to get rid of. 

 

"Champagne, cocaine, gasoline!" Brendon shouted as he pulled the small bag of white powder labeled 'Invisibility Coke' from his jacket pocket.

 

How he obtained this substance or when, Brendon wasn't entirely sure, though he was almost positive that it had been during the night after the Seattle concert when they were out drinking, just because.

 

He cackled, doing the druggy thing that he needed to do (yes, i am aware of how cocaine works, i just don't feel like writing it out) and within the span of fifteen minutes, he was out of it.

 

When Dallon, Ryan and Spencer returned to the bus with a bag of burritos and a camera, Brendon was nowhere in sight, which was terrible news for the three because, well, why had no one been watching that man-child? He was supposed to be supervised at all times. 

 

"Shit." Dallon and Spencer muttered. 

 

Ryan pushed past them, dropping the bag he had on the floor and slowly moving toward the half open curtain that separated the driver's seat from the actual bus. 

 

"Brendon?" he asked nervously, afraid of what he might find behind that curtain. 

 

He slowly pushed it back, the small scrape of metal rings sliding along the metal bar being the only sound. Behind the curtain found Brendon. 

 

A very naked Brendon. 

 

"Bren!?" Ryan jumped, moving to cover his eyes. He didn't, though. He knew this would be a bad idea. 

 

"How'd you see me? I'm invisible!" Brendon whined. 

 

"No you're not. You're just naked." Dallon said from behind Ryan. 

 

"Invisible!" Brendon exclaimed and made a run for the door. Spencer jumped, grabbing the other's arm and yanking him down to sit on his bunk. 

 

Whilst Spencer held Brendon's arms, Dallon knelt on his legs, all while Ryan was trying to get at least some underwear on the man. 

 

"I'm invisible! I mustn't be seen!" Brendon shouted. 

 

Ryan groaned, flopping down as soon as Brendon's boxers were on. 

 

"This is why he shouldn't be left alone..." he sighed. 

 

"Agreed." Dallon and Spencer nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh this is bloody awful, isn't it? well, here ya' go.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...this was a terrible idea.

Brendon was sneezing. Now, before you go, ‘gee, what’s so bad about that?’, let me explain. See, the band was on tour. And when Brendon’s allergies were acting up, bad things happened. Ryan couldn’t fathom how they were going to make it through this show. Nor could Spencer, or Jon.

 

The second show of the tour, and Brendon was sneezing his fucking ass off. Ryan was nervously pacing beside him, while Spencer and Jon were ordering the crew around, demanding the strongest allergy medication they could get their hands on. 

 

“No, this isn’t strong enough!” Spencer shouted at a rather terrified looking crew member, tossing the small pack of Benadryl to Brendon anyway. “Take it!”

 

Jon tackled Brendon as he popped one of the tablets into his mouth, making him spit it out. “He’ll get too tired! He’ll fall asleep on stage!” 

 

Spencer gripped his long, greasy hair. “The strongest you can find, Jason!” he shouted and looked to the small roadie. 

 

“A-actually, mister, my name is Peter...” he said. But, upon seeing the angry look in Spencer’s eyes, nodded and ran off. 

 

Ryan grabbed Brendon a glass of water, rubbing gentle circles in his back as he went into another sneezing fit. “Hey, Bren, you sure you’re gonna be able to do this?” he asked quietly. 

 

“They’re just allergies. I can control it. I-” Brendon cut himself off, another sneeze ripping through him and burning his throat. “I’ll be fine.” he finished.

 

\-----

 

And Brendon was fine. Mostly. There were a few times when a song would end and Brendon would sneeze, but overall, everything went smoothly. Up until Northern Downpour.

 

Ryan stepped toward Brendon, taking his place at the microphone. Brendon’s voice was smooth, contrasting beautifully with Ryan’s guitar. Ryan glanced up to Brendon, chewing his lip softly. Brendon looked as though he was about to sneeze. That wasn’t good. 

 

“Bren, hold it in.” Ryan mumbled, turning his head to the younger man as not to disturb the flow of the song. 

 

Brendon gave a slight nod and held out, right until “the ink is running toward the page”, at which point he let the sneeze go, sending a loud booming “ah...CHOO!” through the stadium. The crowd fell silent. The band fell silent. Ryan stared at Brendon, his mouth hanging open. Brendon’s face went red. 

 

Ryan let the silence drag on for a moment before picking up the song, patting Brendon’s back gently. He motioned subtly for him to get off stage, as it was the last song of the night anyway. 

  
And, thus, Brendon never when on stage without allergy meds again, the end.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yep. This is a thing that was poorly written.

Ah, high school. What a lovely time, right? Discovering yourself, finding who and what you want to be in life. Maybe you’ll even find the love of your life.

 

Sadly, this is not a coming of age story. No, this is the story of Ryan Ross. And his bathroom antics. 

 

\-----

 

It was a Friday. Dealing day. George Ryan Ross III made his way to the boy’s bathroom in the furthest wing of the school, his head hung low. Murmurs of “that’s Ryan Ross” echoed through the halls, swimming in Ryan’s ears. He took a breath and pushed the bathroom door open slowly. There, stood Brendon Urie, fidgeting and glancing around nervously. 

 

“Urie.” Ryan said, setting his bag on the counter beside the sinks. 

 

“You get the stuff?” Brendon asked quietly, his eyes flickering up to the door. 

 

Ryan nodded firmly, digging through his bag for a moment before pulling out a plastic bag. The small click of glass jars shifting against each other echoing through the bathroom. Slowly, Ryan pull three of the jars filled with a bright orange, plastic-like substance. 

 

Brendon’s eyes lit up at the sight of the probably toxic goop. He quickly dug a five from his pocket and slapped it into Ryan’s hand in exchange for the jars. 

 

“See you around, Ross.” he said. 

 

Ryan nodded, flashing a small smirk and pressing a gentle kiss to Brendon’s cheek. “See you tonight, Urie.” 

 

Brendon blushed and rushed out of the bathroom. Ryan watched him race down the hall, falling flat on his face once and rolling a few times over. 

 

Ryan ducked back into the bathroom when he heard the principal walking toward him. The footsteps stopped right outside the bathroom, and then the door was being pushed open. The principal frowned disapprovingly. 

 

“Ryan Ross.” he said. 

 

“Afternoon, sir.” Ryan replied, hastily shoving the plastic bag into his backpack. 

 

“Do you have drugs in there, young man?” asked the man. 

  
Ryan smirked. “No, but I got cheese whiz.” he cackled before dashing out of the room.


	6. More Cheese Wiz

**Ryan Ross is online.**

 

**Ryan Ross as updated his status.**

  
  


**Ryan Ross**

**_29 seconds ago_ **

 

**Okay, guys. Here’s the thing, any of you got $450 to spare?**

 

**Brendon Urie: Why do you need $450?**

 

**Ryan Ross: 150 cans of cheese wiz.**

  
The End


	7. Brendon the Easter Bunny(aka Brendon finds the Invisibility Coke again)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ALLO ALLO I FINALLY WRITE A CHAPTER OF MY OWN

Dallon really, really  _really_ hoped the Brendon shaped mass humping his leg violently was clothed.

 

It really didn't feel like it. The rabbit ears above Brendons head were also really not reassuring.

 

"Bren? The fuck are you doing?" Brendon froze.

 

"  _YOU CANT SEE ME! I AM THE EASTER BUNNY!"_ Brendon shrieked and bounded away, leaving Dallon to try and deal with the slightly sticky and nasty mess on his leg.

 

Ryans very loud shrieks soon filled the tour-bus, along with Brendons protestations of "  _I AM THE EASTER BUNNY! UNHAND ME, FOOL PEASANT!"_

 

Dallon fell back on his bed with a soft snort, only to shriek when he felt a moist lump under him. He sat bolt upright to see...

 

Easter eggs.

 

Boiled, de-shelled, Easter eggs.

 

Covered in something wet and sticky.

 

"  _BRENDOOOON!"_


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> less cracky than i would like it to be but whatever

“Ryan bottles of beer on the wall! Ryan bottles of beer! Take one down pass it around, Yan bottles of beer on the wall!” 

 

The whole band groaned. Brendon had been on a ‘bottles of beer’ kick lately, which made it hard to record anything at all. 

 

“Brendon, will you  _ please  _ shut the fuck up?” 

 

“I think the fuck not bottles of beer on the wall, I think the fuck not bottles of beer…” Brendon challenged, then trailed off with a meaningful glanced. 

 

Ryan huffed quietly. “I swear to god, Brendon, I will not hesitate to shove my socks in your mouth if you don’t shut your fucking trap.”

 

Brendon then smirked, and continued. “You wouldn’t dare bottles of beer on the wall, you wouldn’t dare bottles of beer.”

 

Ryan sat down, slowly pulling off his shoe. He never broke eye contact with Brendon. 

 

“You love me too much bottles of beer on the wall, you love me too much bottles of beer.” 

 

Ryan set his shoe aside and sent a questioning look to Brendon, one eyebrow raised. He went to pull off his sock. 

 

“18,000 bottles of beer on the wall, 18,000 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 17,999 bottles of beer on the wall!” 

 

Ryan yanked off his sock. 

 

“17,999 bottles of beer on the wall, 17,999 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 17,998 bottles of beer on the wall!” 

 

Ryan stood, balling his sock up. 

 

Brendon continued to stare at Ryan, challenging him. “17,998 bottles of beer on the wall, 17,998 bottles of beer! Take one down, pass it around, 17,997 bottles of beer on the wall.”

 

Ryan approached Brendon, grabbing his shirt collar. 

 

“17, 997 bottles of beer on the wall, 17,997 bottles of beer. Take one down, pass it around, 17,996 bottles of beer on the wall.” 

 

Ryan waited for the perfect moment, letting Brendon open his mouth mid note before he shoved his sock into Brendon’s mouth. 

 

Brendon screamed, his eyes flashing wide as he tried to spit the sock out. Ryan kept his hand clamped firmly over it though. 

 

“You gonna stop?” he questioned.

 

Brendon nodded.

 

“You gonna work?” 

 

Another nod.

 

“You gonna do what I tell you do, when I tell you to do it?” 

 

Another nod. 

 

Ryan let his hand up and pulled the sock from Brendon’s mouth, smirking. “That’s what I thought.” 

 

Brendon smirked in return and chuckled. “I love you bottles of beer on the wall, I love you bottles of beer.” he murmured. 

 

“Fuck off.” Ryan replied lovingly, shaking his head. “Go get me a beer.” 

 

Brendon scampered off, screaming the song all the way down the hall. 

  
“And shut the fuck up!”


End file.
